Legs In The Air
AI Kits Purchased
Legs In The Air
AI Kits Purchased
How I followed my gut to create a baby
Who And Why Would They Do This?
I Got Myself In A Top Notch Reproductive State
How I Managed The Agreement & Birth Certificate
What It All Means
Finding And Securing My Perfect Mr Stork
The Relationship May Have Lost Its Pulse But You Can Still Be A Mama
I always knew I wasn’t cut out for any corporate gigs and LA was perfect for nurturing my blue sky thoughts. It was here in the city of angels that I realised that we all had wings and it was up to us to use them. And we were encouraged to do so. While I was one of the hundreds of thousands of civilians that flocked to this west coast city, I was thrilled to be another number living in the land of opportunity. A place like no other where I was fuelled by ambition, possibility and lots of terrible filtered black coffee.
America offered me something exciting and different that I yearned for. It pushed me outside my comfort zone while at the same time saturated me with new sights, smells and conversations. TRAVEL was and will always seduce me.
Movement and constant scenery changes fuel my life ride. It’s kind of like blood pumping through my veins. But at the time, CAREER was my living force. It often fought with the second item on my list which was LOVE. The two rallied against each other throughout my twenties and early thirties jostling in and out of first spot. Kind of like children squabbling over winning shotgun position in the car. Neither were ever ultimate winners though as neither knew they needed to work together to bring about any kind of success.
CAREER’s ambitious force would always win the prime seat at the wheel and LOVE rode in the back. The two would constantly nitpick one another but neither could be at the driver’s seat at the same time nor could they ride evenly alongside one another in the front. This symbiotic chaos seemed to exist for almost everyone I knew in LA. At the time, securing a successful long term relationship in the city with someone worthy was a long shot just as much as it was for an actor to win a lead role in a union paying film. I was in the land of ‘me’ not ’we’.
Our conversation definitely gave me some things to think about as I drove home.
Infertility may not have seemed like that big an issue. That is until wanting a child hits your radar. While it may have seemed like your birthright to naturally conceive and give birth to a healthy child, it not necessarily is.
Around 7.4 million women, or 11.9% of women in the United States, have received infertility treatment in their lifetime. It’s made an impact globally and financially sings to the tune of around four billion dollars!
I chose the career path over having a family and therefore, plain and simple it was my fault. I could be classified as selfish for remaining childfree. And then be called the same for pursuing solo motherhood. These days though, can’t I have both?
While there’s some big reflection with the infertile label, not one relationship in the past ten years had the staying power to get me or us to child creation. I tried. But it wasn’t to be. I fought for the wrong relationship to get across the line and just because I didn’t get a ring on it, it felt as though I was past my used by date and having a baby was no longer in my future.
Ten months after my first fertility clinic appointment, I finally contacted the nurse to confirm I was moving forward with an IUI procedure.
I really had hoped I’d have met the one by now. In all honesty, I’d left a door open for Ian to walk back through. It took me all this time to come to grips with moving forward with this alone.
I had to shake off my negative thoughts and shame about this process and I really, really did want someone to hold my hand. Share this with. Someone special to be by my side until I died.
Once I gave the clinic the green light and paid my fees, I was then able to access the donor library.
This was so much and way better than Tinder. Rather than go on dates with men and scrutinize their physical attributes and entertain pointless conversation, I could save myself the time and discomfort of squeezing into my little black dress or as we women refer to it as the LBD by sitting on my couch scrolling through legitimate baby making potentials.
About a week later a gentleman by the name of Lucas wrote to me. He only shared one photo which was of him from behind holding his son’s hand as they both looked out to the ocean.
He was keen for me to email him outside the platform. I questioned his keenness and asked for him to divulge a bunch of medical details and his intentions first. He responded with answers and asked for me to give him a call. This all became very real and I was a step closer to perhaps having the chance to be a mum. I freaked out and got off the site.
Inundated with inner dialogue my brain burst open with what ifs. What if he just wants sex? What if he has diseases? Is a weirdo? This path is seedy in a shady way (fruitful too). I mean what kind of man goes on a website offering free sperm? This is idiotic. You’re a loser that you can’t get a man and you have to resort to this. What happened to you? You were someone who could have had it all! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I felt like I had just landed back at square one when I had to overcome all my fears and negative thoughts about IVF. So I sat with them and let a little anxiety trickle it’s way back in.
A couple more weeks went by and I decided to hit up Dr Google again for inspiration. This time I decided to test out some Facebook pages. I requested access to one and I was immediately messaged by the page admin Adam Hooper. He asked me who I was and why I was trying to join his group.
While I responded he researched me and asked if I was just a journo snooping around. I assured him I wasn’t and I was really looking for a donor. Our chat lasted an hour. It then poured over into the following few days. He answered all my questions and assured me that all my hesitations and thoughts were just like every other woman’s searching for sperm. I felt so relieved! I also felt like I had landed upon a community of like-minded folk and it felt safer than the sites I was on.
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Living it up in LA where my focus was 100% career. Every breathing moment was spent networking and carving out my own projects as well as collaborating on other's ideas. There was no thought or room for children.
My world tipped upside down. I had lost my relationship, home and job and had a one-way ticket to Australia. And not a city that was brimming with single men. I was heading to Albany in Western Australia where there was more chance of me landing a sperm whale than a single, two-legged male.
Partnerships, relationships, friendships. Oy buoy, I had let some ships sail to get real. There were three main relationships that shaped my life. Franz, who I worshipped. Trey, who ghosted on me and Ian who was a big life love. As I look back could any of them really truly had been the 'one'?.
It took an 84-year-old medical scientist to tell me I was fertile. After first being labelled as socially infertile and then medically infertile through the clinic, it was the professor who gave me the reassurance that my rogue way was the path to parenthood.
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