Why I Wrote ‘Desperately Seeking Semen’
The short of it. I couldn’t not share what I now knew. I didn’t plan on penning eighty thousand words, I just couldn’t stop writing.
After enduring a monumental meltdown as a newly single woman facing forty, I had to take matters into my own hands if motherhood was going to be on the cards for me.
It wasn’t about going against the forces of nature to make it happen, rather working with it. It just meant the forces of nature were different than the one path I had assumed I’d go down with a fabulous six foot tall, intelligent being.
Having endured an eighteen month ‘get pregnant’ rollercoaster quest which included a failed plan to get back with my ex, three failed IUI attempts on the IVF train as well as some disastrous Tinder dating, I had to either inject myself with drugs to harvest my eggs or get creative and find another natural solution.
I decided for the latter and threw myself at the internet to rectify my semen quandary. I soon found myself in the deep vortex of known sperm donor land or what I thought was the IVF underbelly. With further investigation, I realised I had landed upon my very own Willy Wonka cyber factory where there was a bevvy of real-life men happily giving away their sperm to women all around the globe.
So I hung up my hopes of trying to find the fantasy husband and father to be through online dating, and threw myself out there for the ones who were readily available and on the same page – literally! I couldn’t believe that there were a bunch of worthy men happy to skip all the relationship nonsense, especially the gay ones, and just hand over the key ingredient I needed to make a baby within my shrinking biological clock time frame.
I signed up to a few sperm donor sites and began perusing Facebook Groups then sat back and observed the post and forum interactions for a few months. I was still very hesitant about proceeding down this path especially as I had stumbled onto some seedy sites which required me to weed out illegitimate profiles. It wasn’t until Adam Hooper, the FB group admin for Sperm Donation Australia connected with me answering all my questions that I finally felt at ease truly giving it a go.
When I was beyond frustrated with my dire situation and brave enough, I wrote to a few potential donors on the FB group and a couple of others on a paid site.
After conversing with a few fella’s I opted for one that I felt was compatible with my needs. Not only was he over six feet tall with great physical features, more importantly he was available to work with my cycles, understood the donor process intimately, had a proven success record having assisted other women, had his own family, would sign legal documents outlining intention, wanted to be known to the future child, had undertaken genetic testing and counselling and could provide a recent bonafide sperm analysis proving he was highly fertile.
Before moving forward, we engaged in many messenger and Facetime chats as well as phone calls and photo sharing. Once I felt ready and my fertile window aligned, I flew interstate to meet him in the flesh and proceed with the insemination. Two weeks later, and to my absolute shock, a pregnancy test confirmed I was pregnant after our one and only attempt.
I knew that I was not infertile as I had been informed and am glad I went rogue carving out my own path. It was one that aligned with me physically, spiritually and financially. While I am an advocate for this route and can honestly say I had a superb experience using the internet to secure a viable donor, I wholeheartedly believe this pathway needs to be thoroughly considered before being pursued. I believe it’s imperative to take the time to find the right donor and not swipe right on just anybody as not all sites, apps, solo donors and groups are created equal or perhaps have yours, or your future child’s best interests in mind. This seemingly “rogue” route is primarily based on basic human trust and intention. To navigate it safely and successfully, a little time investment pays off. Ultimately, I believe this is about conceiving a healthy child first and foremost – not just landing any random man’s sperm to conceive.
Although I am now 42 and despite being only halfway through my pregnancy, I felt it was time critical to share this avenue publicly no matter my pregnancy outcome.
I learned so much and felt compelled to write a book to not only share what I did to become highly reproductive or reveal the ins and outs of this unconventional child making way but also to inform other healthy single women and same-sex lesbian couples in my predicament that they too can follow this alternative and highly successful path without spending thousands! I also wanted to dispel the belief that IVF was the only option available out there.
The moment I opted to seek a sperm donor on what could be deemed as the wild west of the internet, a mental shift occurred. I felt unequivocally empowered. No longer was it just a hope for me to be a mother, it was probable I would be. It was the best decision I’ve ever have made.
A huge thank you to the men out there that put themselves out there to assist us!